Things No One Told Me About Having a Baby

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I have worked with kids for several years, have built relationships with those children’s parents and did a bunch of research about pregnancy, delivery and postpartum life. However, there are still things I had to learn the hard way, or at the least be surprised by. So let me share some things with you…

Leaky Boobs!

No not after the baby but BEFORE the baby. I always wondered when the “milk” would come in but I wasn’t expecting to be leaking through my shirt 3 months before I was due. When I messaged a friend about it she just said “Yup! Welcome to the 3rd trimester.” Thanks for the heads up boo <3

The Epidural

Anyone who tells you that you won’t really feel anything if you get an epidural is a liar and not your friend. The epidural only numbs your nerves. So you do stop feeling the contractions and back labor just about entirely (if its working right). HOWEVER, the epidural does NOT stop you from feeling pressure. So when you push that baby out you WILL feel that. Baby pushing herself over my tailbone, cooch stretching, heading coming out. All that good stuff. Very traumatic.

Leaky Boobs…Again

If you’re so lucky to be able to produce lots of milk for baby, congrats! But be warned. I have a pump and feed schedule that I stick to pretty well and yet my tits still leak and drip all over me throughout the day. Nursing pads, not optional. Stock up! Also, make sure you pump before you get in the shower. Like right before. I never wore bras before I got pregnant and hardly ever did was I was so I only had 3 bras when I had baby. Wrong! If you forgot your nursing pads or leak through your pads or you spill some when pumping or baby drools it all the down the side of their face, your bra will get wet and then crusty from the boob milk. Gross. Gotta buy more bras today.

A Burning Cooch

(This is where things get ugly). Now they say the first poop can be worse than the labor. Not for me. I took the colace the nurses gave me AND drank prune juice right after baby so that first turd slid right out, no problem. My recovery wasn’t even bad. I could walk around pretty well, wasn’t bleeding that much. It wasn’t until about the 4th day after baby when things got rough. I was so busy trying to keep up with the baby that I didn’t realize I hadn’t pooped in a few days. Still taking the colace and the prune juice but I wasn’t drinking nearly enough water. DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE! Make time for water. If the baby is crying then they’re breathing. They’ll be alright for a minute while you hydrate. On the 5th day the burn set in. Not stitch burning but cooch burning, right around the pee whole. Turns out the whole area is so traumatized that it swells after delivery. Not surprising. But no one told me about how badly your cooch would burn from the inflammation. I had the tylenol and motrin, the dermoplast, the tucks pads, the ice pack pads the hospital gives you and I even made my own witch hazel and aloe pads for the fridge. None of it helped. It was miserable. The worst part was that it burned so badly I could hardly pee more than once or twice a day and there was no chance of pooping. Long story short I ended up on my hands and knees, hunched over in my tub pissing and shiting myself since it was the only way I could get it all to come out. This was not even a one time thing. I had to do this about 3 times before I was able to poop on the toilet again. Things like this will humble you real quick and make you eternally grateful for the little things in life!

Welp! Hope that helps any of you mommy’s to be out there πŸ™‚ Good luck…and may the odds be ever in your favor <3

2 Replies to “Things No One Told Me About Having a Baby”

  1. Word on that honesty girl–I am sure you are helping someone out there! (I haven’t had any doubts that I’m not having kids but if that deal needed any sealing you’ve done that for me as well!)
    Congrats Mama <3. x

    1. Thanks! I never wanted kids either but SURPRISE. Glad I could give you more reasons not to have any πŸ˜›

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