Going Natural

I talk about the love hate relationship I have with my hair and why I went natural!

{Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend anyone with this post. I’m simply sharing my experiences and feelings.}

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with my hair. When I was younger I wore it natural, frizzy and big, up with a bow and corn rowed which I felt turned me instantly into a dude because of how flat chested I was. My poor mom tried for so long to keep it natural but it just didn’t last.

My First Relaxer

We were living in Massachusetts I think, still in Elementary school, when I got my first relaxer. My mom is white and had no idea what to do with my hair growing up but I think she managed very well. But I remember the day she took me to the shop and asked someone to “deal with it” and I don’t blame her. She was corn rowing my hair like she usually did at the time and I was particularly flinch and whiny that time. So with my hair half way braided she took me to the shop where someone decided to give me a relaxer. I literally skipped through the parking lot with my straight flowing hair. I was like all the other white girls now! Having “white” hair being more like the “white” girls was never something that I consciously thought about but at the moment I was an equal!

My hair still got frizzy so I still had to flat iron it all the time. My hair broke off so much I was practically a shedding dog. And the relaxer…no one told me that when it burns it has to come off so I got all the scabs on my scalp but thankfully kept my hair. But all that considered I didn’t care. There was no way I was going back to natural hair remembered how much of a pain it was to comb through or put up in a nice way.

My hair is not actually that dense natural so I could manage to go months without a relaxer and still have straight hair. Frizzy straight hair but not the disaster I remembered. Once I graduated high school I really stopped caring much about my hair. Yes I still tried to make it look nice when I had the time but otherwise it was up in a ponytail. Plus I was tired of having to flat iron my hair every morning smelling that burnt hair smell only for it to frizz up when I stepped outside. So if it wasn’t going to stay as straight as I wanted it to and I wore it up most of the time any, why was I stuck on relaxing it?

Why I Switched

I decided to go natural for a lot of reasons.

  1. I wanted to be a bit more minimalistic. Now that I don’t relax my hair I don’t need a hair dryer, flat iron, I don’t need to pay to get my hair relaxed or pay for the relaxer to do it myself.
  2. The chemicals! Relaxing is just about the worst thing you can do to your hair but not only that I didn’t want the chemicals in the relaxer to get on my scalp or to be breathing the chemicals in or to have the chemicals being rinsed into the water supply.
  3. I was annoyed with how my hair was relaxed. It started to bother me that my hair broke off so much and that it would frizz no matter what I did to it. It bothered me that I was putting so much effort into keeping my hair straight when I ended up wearing it up anyway.

The very last relaxer I got was in 2014 and the hubby did it for me. I know. I’m crazy.


It wasn’t until a year later that I considered going natural again though. I wore my hair up just about all the time now and I only flat ironed for special occasions so I hardly paid much attention to the fact that my relaxer was growing out. By the time it became more apparent I had a decision to make; relax my hair again and continue damaging it for no reason OR go natural.

Going Natural

It took me a hot minute to figure out how to deal with natural hair and I’m still working out a lot of bugs!

At first I just went with the wash and go which is really just a mess but I tried it a few times away just to see what would happen.


Then I asked a friend of mine if they could twist up my hair while it was transitioning so I wouldn’t have to bother with it for a minute. While she did a great job it just did not suit me and I didn’t feel like myself. I had spent the last 10 or so years with straight hair and this was too {are you ready?} ethnic for me. I am an Oreo people. Brown on the outside and white on the inside! Being mixed creates a bit of a racial/ethnic identity dilemma.


I also never go to get my hair done at beauty shops since I moved away from home but I caved, walked into the shop and asked “Is there someone that can help me with this?”, pointing at my mess of hair. Oh, how history repeats itself! A nice lady pointed me in some product and voila! My hair finally looked put together.


After a while I ended up switching products but I still tend to wear my hair up a lot of the time. At the moment it’s at an awkward length so I wear it up often to let it grow out some until I can get it shaped again. And every now and then I have the hubby trim the crazies. I know, I know! I’m insane! But its just hair.


So here I am 3 years later and all natural!


Looking back I sometimes miss having my hair straight. I feel like it suited me better. Like it was my security blanket almost.

But even though I miss it I don’t regret the switch!

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